I remember…

Okc Memoiral
Okc Memorial

On April 19, 1995, Oklahoma City was changed by a bomb that was housed in an Uhaul truck. At 9:02 a.m. when the bomb detonated it changed the lives of hundreds of people; the families of the 168 who perished, the survivors, the rescuers, the families of all involved and the citizens of Oklahoma.

Every year family members, rescuers, and guest gather to remember just as the outside of the dates state…

“We come here to remember those who were killed, those who survived and those changed forever. May all who leave here know the impact of violence. May this memorial offer comfort, strength, peace, hope and serenity.”

I too use to gather every year to remember but I realized I was not healing. I am a survivor. It was 2 days after my 21 birthday. My life has never been the same. I spent many years dreading the month of April. It always brought sleepless nights and a lot of anxiety. I made the decision to stop going to the anniversary and it helped the healing process. There are still those unforeseeable triggers that will affect me but they have declined.

Dedra D. (Baker) Hayes on survivor wall
Dedra D. (Baker) Hayes on survivor wall

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I do struggle periodically but I feel the biggest side effect to the bombing is what happened to my daughter in utero. My daughter has Asperger’s syndrome and I feel that it is because of the chemical unbalance my body was going through during my pregnancy.

My daughter has overcome many odds and she is an amazing inspiration but I can’t help but wonder what if?


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